Invisible

and how I just don't want to be anymore.

I’ve always struggled with vulnerability, in a myriad of ways. Being a black kid from Mississippi, you inherently learn to shoulder the burden of so much. I’ve never known how to truly deal with this and that’s why I honestly believe God gave me the gift of music. Through music, I found ways to say what I was always thinking but didn’t have the courage and/or vulnerability to express. Instead of just telling girls I had crushes on them, I’d write poems about it and give it to them…sometimes. Sometimes that lands and sometimes it doesn’t lol. But even as a kid, I felt invisible. By my parents. By the kids in my school. By my basketball coaches. When I left for Los Angeles to pursue music, part of me was because I wanted to feel seen and heard.

There is a catch 22 here. I’ve also often shied away from attention from fear of being seen. I’m a Scorpio Rising and in Astrology there is a defined reason for this which says that I deeply crave being seen and in order for a fulfilled life, I must choose a career that puts me out front and center because there is something about my life path that is meant to be seen and heard in order to not only heal myself but also heal others. I kinda buy it. It makes sense to me, at least, considering the life that I’ve lead thus far. But that still doesn’t give enough of an explanation for me.

I’m very proud of the work that I’ve given the world thus far. I’ve put so much into it. And I’ve had to learn to go at it alone. I’ve funded my own projects. I’ve rented the Arri Alexas and the Cooke Lens to get the shot. I’ve produced and written the songs. I’ve done all of the wardrobe and location scouting. And I’ve been incredibly in love with the quality of the work. And with all of the “Sinners” hoopla, all it’s done is reinforce my position because, being authentically Mississippian, the imagery of that film and the sound of the music as a foundation, is my look and sound. And if people are willing to concede that Sinners is great, then surely what I’m doing is as well. But I’m an independent. And up until this very moment, I’ve gone largely unnoticed. Regardless of what any artist tells you, it’s immeasurably difficult being an independent artist. I’ve spent years around Glen Ballard, Mick Jagger, Teddy Riley, and so many more. So much of my craft was learned behind the scenes with no credits and not many chances being thrown my way. But I strove to get better in spite of it because I wanted to give the world, Jon.

It’s always been funny, along this journey, even playing my music for other producers and artists because they’d always have the same reaction. “How are you not signed?” My reply has always been, “I have no idea.” And I still don’t know how. I don’t know how I’ve always gone so invisible. But I’m sick to death of it. I’m over the algorithm. I’m over the middle man. I’m over the music professional that doesn’t answer my emails or DMs. I’m over the need to go viral to be taken seriously. GOD GAVE ME THIS GIFT and I’ve been honing mastery. And I stand on, and bet on myself, having developed mastery and expertise. I rebuke being invisible any further. And the world shall know my name.

Jon Fields.